In digital suspension
During this time, many of us are thinking of the lockdown as a pause from reality. But what happens to the lives we lead between when reality can reconnect with itself?
The Shitpost Slowdown
I save a lot more drafts in my Twitter. I post less. I share some of the things I wanna say to close friends. I slow myself down. I take more time to consider the impact of my actions. I think about how wildly the fire can rage before I light the match.
This week changed my life. I left this week without more than 1-2 hours of sleep a night, a voided career future, and far fewer friends. I feel tired in an existential way. It's like someone forgot to plug in my soul for three weeks, but I'm still forced to exist.
Check, m8. Tech, h8.
I contain multitudes, but so many of them don't fit into that little LinkedIn quip that's either your Role at Company or your abstracted identities reduced to 2-3 words. Designer. Writer. Speaker.
It was as though we were placed into the universe with the same gift to hold a light. We had been granted these gloves that made us capable of holding a scorching flame. And so we could revel in the pass; sharing war stories, but never granted the space and time needed to fall in love properly; at least not with each other.
Leave Me To My Hard-Earned Joy
When you tell me to be more positive, it demonstrates that you cannot perceive the metric tonnes of positivity it took me to get exactly where I am.
It's what I evolved to handle. My dual existence, or non-existence, is what gave me immense resilience. But it also made me acutely aware of everything around me. My heightened observational skills are survival mechanisms.
But then it happens. The crack goes from its familiar shape to something far scarier, changing states from idle to aggressive. In that fractional moment, I remember why it's dangerous to drive with cracked windshields. It's dangerous because the crack never goes away.
Because my existence doesn't work that way. I exist in a world of ands and withs, being multitudes and holding opinions that seem like contradictions where more than one truth can exist—it is a world of abundance, of not only resources, but of perspectives and of truths.